ENTRY #1:

Winning the Bad Behavior Battle

Life happens. Chaos and disorganization are a natural part of life. We cherish the tender moments with our children, while dreading the difficult ones. There is no doubt about it – raising children can be messy, especially during the formative years. That is why tactics to overcoming challenging behaviors are super essential, helping you avoid power struggles and win the bad behavior battles in children.

On the battlefield of life, applying the right strategic moves at the right time will help you overcome challenging behaviors. The presented tactics will offset the automatic survival brain response and reduce the stress hormones coursing through the body of the dysregulated child.

Here, we will rely on co-regulation strategies and calming physiological techniques rooted in brain science. The objective is to brain-boost development and teach the child self-mastery over the long-run, through consistent daily application.

Whether you are a parent of an infant, a preschool teacher or a grade school administrator, the solution is all the same. Begin by gathering intelligence about the child’s internal state. Notice any signs of physiological distress, including shallow breathing, elevated heart rate, fidgeting, headaches or stomach aches. These biological markers are indicative of an overactive stress response driven by cortisol and adrenaline hormones. A disconnection to rational thinking centers will occur, making learning futile, as energy is redirected towards primitive brain regions. This may help partly explain why children can be so unpredictable, behaving in illogical ways.

Approach the situation like a battlefield commander. The mission is calm. Focus on ways of unlocking good behavior quickly and effectively, as you search for ways to relax the child’s nervous system. 

First, secure the perimeter to ensure that everyone is safe. Remove the child from the room if you must. Make sure that all classmates are protected, especially during an aggressive situation with a child that has lost control.

Second, breathe deeply to reset your own nervous system to display a state of peaceful calm. Transmit the message that all is well and under control. Emotions are contagious, and so is the state of our nervous system. When you co-regulate with a child, you dial into their emotional frequency. You help them develop coping skills, in the moment, by demonstrating how to manage overwhelm and navigate upset. Be mindful to lead the interaction with non-threatening, open body language and non-verbal cues, in the same way that you might approach an angry Pitbull dog. Open palms, slow movements, relaxed posture and making yourself small, are a few ways to signal that you are not a threat. This video demonstrates how to approach a child having a meltdown using calm body language.

Now that you have dampened the stress response and the child no longer feels threatened, you can apply the third step – rhythm. Whether you play a repetitive beat, initiate cyclical movements such as walking and jumping or implement a deep breathing technique, this winning tactic is all about relaxing the brainstem. The ancient portion of the human brain, known as the brainstem, is responsible for the fight/flight/flee responses. It regulates the body’s reactivity to stress by controlling breathing, digestion and heart rate. Rhythm is the master regulator for the body and mind. It syncs all systems and induces positive changes in behavioral outcomes, in the same way that we soothe a crying baby – by rocking them rhythmically.

Fourth, show love and compassion as you listen intently to the child. Search for ways to establish a deep and meaningful connection using minimal language. Tap into the child’s internal state. Your job here is not to fix anything but to simply be present. You are the bulletproof vest for the child, absorbing their negative thoughts and feelings. You provide safety and protection when a child’s negativity ricochets off you and dissipates into space. Support the child through the tough moments by helping them deal with big emotions. Only then, you will be granted access to the rational part of their brain, the prefrontal cortex. With the prefrontal cortex as the control center for executive function back online, critical thinking and problem-solving skills will become available to troubleshoot the situation.

The last and final step of any military strategy is to debrief. Take time to review the incident and reach conflict resolution once the child’s rational thinking is back online. This is where the teachable moment lies and where the greatest learning can occur. The goal here is to train the brain by guiding the child toward the proper behavior or missing skill. Use a solution-oriented approach to enhance the child’s capacity to problem-solve. Ask them to brainstorm with you and address the issue heads-on. Over time and with practice, the brain will adopt this as the default pattern to be used in similar future situations. 

These five tactics to overcoming challenging behaviors will allow you to gain composure and reach conflict resolution quickly and effectively. When big emotions override logic, you will need a bullet-proof strategy that works. The key is to implement these tried and true strategies correctly and consistently, gaining small wins and eliminating bad behavior battles with young children.

Want to deep dive into emotional regulation techniques in toddlers? Click here to find out more about taming temper-tantrums.

References:

1. Dr. Becky Bailey. Conscious Discipline. 2015.
2. Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. Flatiron Books: An Oprah Book. 2021.